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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
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5 H+ h/ ~0 a, z  bike and asked for forgiveness.' x% U$ J( @1 f( p

' z4 [& Y7 ^. S% i7 l' p! H" F  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一9 m, |: h0 ~( H: e2 V& \( F' Q
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  辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
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8 P$ J% d3 O( i0 r( \. P  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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. t8 ^+ }) X7 ^" g2 L, ^) k- Z3 _  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
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1 S( J" J' S9 K+ |8 O% Z  样死法啊!5 Q# r8 Q- h. y' Y
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  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
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% ?; s0 C& v' r6 v: X: K, @  with experience.6 j2 t: I6 M. ^' P

4 D: E8 J: t0 U6 P: M: }  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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. [5 a! w# i& x  t3 ^& P+ N9 Q  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。: A) W/ q" ?. y' Y& y

/ t; X8 D* p0 r  s# H* v0 }9 [  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。5 t" ~7 _7 \- m0 d# \

' R5 H* N8 o; r% B  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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8 g4 \7 [; @& H( o/ A- q7 B4 Q  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.8 |( z7 A4 r2 c- W. p
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!0 E0 s& C- n# U+ b
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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) p0 v3 j1 {/ B- E' p& M# n  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.! q) z% \5 U% @) z, ?" i7 B

, C1 ^. O2 @- g# m& U$ Z  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd
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  better have a good hand.' G  q8 ?+ w4 x! J. w
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  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。
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! u' ^# k2 e/ g0 q/ @0 S, k  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca3 v8 {, R" s9 ~& N

- Q- M$ \" S; m# ^. I* d  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
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8 |7 A) u2 ]# K# D! N: ?1 S  还是很有喜感。
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( b9 [1 N( h& H5 M  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan, \1 `) ^' h9 w0 ~2 r

4 U/ _5 W& _8 v  ged regularly, and for the same reason.8 j3 {' ^, a  Y: Z4 W

4 c. A% Y& t% g5 ~$ X5 G  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏; K9 i2 O. F* |5 ~
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  了!!, g/ {" p4 G. t$ l7 v. |

1 V: H! Q' k3 S, u2 ?) b; X6 \  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.7 [9 G9 g5 [, O+ P  f

) V; `! t! _* X' B  X  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。- x9 y! P4 ?" Z
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship, g- g4 G' G9 O) Y+ w

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  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!- h  H1 u/ L" x( T1 z2 o
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  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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" ?' G- G/ L) z5 ?6 ]8 m  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.. C1 Z; a4 D3 ^7 Y
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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3 R) C! y. l: C4 L+ K' {6 @  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio& a* C( [/ h* M9 r: d
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  n, make him a sandwich.) P: E$ v' t* R( o: W& i8 G$ \

% G4 G' p6 K  ^9 @2 |3 I+ W, T  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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8 B# u2 U6 ?  Z$ t/ ^. G  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt. b5 _7 z7 l! z; v! ?

  ^! O+ |( W7 }9 x: n: Q' N! }/ d  il you hear them speak.
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  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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' U+ H% o4 M9 M- S$ ]  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.' g, ?* J$ y' j" I/ F  p$ S7 L8 D4 t

3 }6 ]/ }9 C& V; {0 o$ U+ p1 z  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。3 Z- [. e) [0 V1 x3 P# Q, S

* z9 M5 M9 O! m! Z# p" A; T* S  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.# R- b# v* s/ Z) ?

! [0 `- h$ k( s( O% t  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。, U0 u" K& l$ e
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  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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  s.
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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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3 l/ p+ Y5 x* t. M  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
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. G/ ?7 E6 D% |" y  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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  tell you why it isn't." c9 ^. n4 z7 _

' ^- O" T: z3 X% Q  B  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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' C: }5 E, P1 x. ?9 H  box to start a campfire?
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' D! z, C, O# X) n  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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. s4 R: E% m0 m' {/ o; u  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科2 O% O5 b/ ?, o8 \# @( Q4 s

$ O+ s9 J" r* N) H3 }  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
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" A. W0 S' j/ s# e8 l& n7 J  s it?6 I& _0 o2 O% q$ F0 ~8 @. r$ m, U

8 B+ j( Q% B6 y. C! o+ ]7 V. d7 P  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?+ |: h0 V: B2 {! ~% T/ s
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr. p4 k1 [# x' o$ e- R

* H7 ?: l8 r/ O9 [* Z  uit salad.1 j( e+ w% V2 ~# {6 k: _6 F9 F3 Q

1 G" }/ |2 f: B7 R  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。3 O+ C4 [9 h) S9 k) g+ P8 `
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  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
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  篮子。
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"4 ~& ~! U# l) {7 t4 u

# P3 V+ f7 [8 [6 B. A$ P  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.2 C5 q8 {: j1 g+ z- t/ \: p9 F
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  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!% z  Z; l2 I- a# a& ^# L  u- O

/ h4 U8 c3 f, V, u! H  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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  same night.' v& n$ U- `$ C3 M' {3 {
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  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian% L* s* C/ Q2 V; t+ b

8 o) H' r  i2 s! f9 t( h! h  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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8 y( C# l" i5 d5 |) ?  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops: ?8 q8 k( D+ h% e$ z9 e  C" F
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..
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& D7 Z7 D% i  t6 p$ P$ A  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
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  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。- P* r% L3 Z4 V3 z. S
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
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( A- e+ M& ]: G/ R. ?% t- ^  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
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  m fish?
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+ a6 b" k" v3 l6 c. i; O  d, T  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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9 \4 |' r  T* n! v% ]& h  了。
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  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
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& A6 N2 W, o8 t  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!' D- z; i* K2 O. S+ P/ O. ^
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan2 G! L5 _8 P1 u4 Q# {* A* _- y5 x8 ^0 `* P

& H7 H6 C1 k9 Q- x6 h  ts?"
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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”! R3 u; i2 y4 Z! n
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
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. t) V7 \8 W$ W0 }* F5 G! m  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-2 E  O4 W# z2 Q3 @# F

( u& h! \2 ]% x: ]  m: z# z  up.
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5 U; L) d4 Y4 C  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu; W. j( ?$ X5 I1 o5 ]. W

/ _9 {8 {/ a# g6 `2 M0 q' m! c  t check when you say the paint is wet?
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* y7 j; [: c# B( X  Q. g  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?+ e! T$ Y$ ]. R5 d  n8 S9 o

0 ?+ ^7 A; U. M: y5 k+ ^  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
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' n0 z( s0 y5 j( k) a) Q  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
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: m$ ?) S( j' a  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释8 l. c! k+ R+ q. u

2 O' z$ J2 T6 K3 b  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。/ N8 [, C( O" C  N6 x! {5 @
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  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'* h+ a* ^2 x& R$ @

" U; K' X3 C# [! u) U2 W5 H2 Y9 p  t need it./ X3 H, F# F1 Q  n. J" A7 Y: J

0 ^6 I- g7 E0 ]  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方' T. L. h4 \/ X2 [9 l$ K6 f

; F/ \: V( h( L) C. z+ q4 V0 I8 J  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.) h6 o' E0 J; B$ ]  w

, v. c7 x2 j3 \* Q% D  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。  _+ A7 Y4 z  h5 ?% T" T% o7 [

/ R  K) ?/ A: e. x# `: F2 C  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。' R. X2 j+ P# c: ~  Q# R) _
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  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!: {& F" I9 t" L% H, M+ N( Y/ H
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  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!
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  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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6 W6 N6 Z- m8 ^% d  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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" A' b: q, Q" e/ p  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
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  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”4 P) l; n% d# _" w6 k$ C6 O  d

8 L) d  c. ~+ j9 `7 }  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。5 O$ T0 i: {, Y1 F- e9 V

1 ~: S* I+ k/ l. O/ J, C  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.1 g* L( f; f3 I) h  N2 Q
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  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装# G" X& a8 e" n- a: ~) j: A

+ L; e; f0 h# S. a7 i5 f; Z  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.2 p1 {* r# J* W# n; T" n: ~

8 K( T, q* F: |+ F/ g4 L5 s9 r  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"; j& m) c( ]3 L7 M  w; c
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with$ ?- \/ A- \/ r- M- x
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  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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# @* L9 O3 Z* A6 ]+ o& N  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
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  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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$ P1 _! {9 Q5 c/ G" \* L  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
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( O$ b+ F( R5 ^4 h- O0 ?  rls live.
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* r  {; g) o2 [, y, ?7 T  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
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  ch.
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* B( s& p9 Q1 ?! G1 M( s  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。8 l7 I6 W. M' f$ b& r" K% [8 D' _

: Y' J+ ]2 X; v0 Z# y$ p, h  Q0 j  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。4 ^1 Z7 `5 ?4 @) t

! E( q. k1 E$ ^  r  @0 w. I  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
$ ?3 N; r; S. Z  ]; r: ~! i3 n7 w2 d" `4 ?& r
  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.2 z$ y. b. p3 L" n& |

; G! }% g0 M% o6 d8 P  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
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  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
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$ D# @3 P, V# l0 F2 ~+ x. S& o  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
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7 C# R$ `3 |! v  叫声是一样滴。3 ^  J8 v! ?8 I

% A# b$ Y7 h3 u1 n; h; a7 U  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
( C' D! R7 C! w& ^5 r3 t6 D7 k1 s: ^8 x1 k1 V
  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。: A1 O2 Q, q0 s
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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. {1 e. i1 R, s2 C3 m- n2 r9 F  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!4 g1 O9 ?' S. H* M& @/ T7 V. g

7 }$ f/ }2 {3 M6 U5 y$ p  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc" V5 Q( Y  p. Q1 V+ e
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  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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  c/ Q" B* [* m& B  么忙?!
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  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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# r' `# M' q8 X' C& e0 P2 Y% y; c  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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