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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
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, y* f& l6 h; P* A/ D  bike and asked for forgiveness.
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  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一0 [; `! H6 m- i

5 o0 j4 W6 ?$ Y8 {  辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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1 q3 h7 h, [5 S5 U+ i- O! N  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
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  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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; Y) l1 i5 W2 C5 y- _  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一" R) K8 K8 F* S( X4 c5 y% T
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  样死法啊!
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3 _8 k  \& p& X$ i# c  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you$ w- K7 z# S/ r1 t$ O7 e4 V

$ P5 i& _3 d, l! |- n  with experience.
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# v6 ?" h. w( Y8 y( E, }: b1 C: H  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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7 N$ W( e3 J! I# ~" B  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。% W. B3 d; p  h8 C
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。" [+ _# |/ E" ]8 D& e/ c! s( S5 q& H) ^

/ Z5 y/ a1 {9 B4 }& U/ P5 \  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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& `& y5 m# _+ W8 G. \  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。  m5 A  R5 v* }/ F' {

7 O4 }& }- k) n  R! f  L) E) C  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.8 Q0 ?! n* Q" G- D" ^' ]1 `

2 @1 @$ z$ s+ x  f; ^  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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* R1 T" Q% Z8 l. R6 n  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd0 B  z. a- O7 |9 x

' q! Y( e4 j# ?  i, x  better have a good hand.
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* M0 ?4 L' X" x" F7 d3 v  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。8 f) M8 i9 n1 x) f! p: c

; u9 H0 f& e) W/ |) y1 V  L+ F5 D  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca, N; j) c% q, \8 U" O% Y- Y

4 ?. D& x% i& N. m* T  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
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% E( Q% v" K& i; Q' V0 t  还是很有喜感。
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+ G1 B& [" i, y1 ~6 W1 l( f* j1 U  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan3 {) Y* H7 p1 r( f) f

/ V7 f7 j8 Z+ g7 [  ged regularly, and for the same reason.. p: u! J; `1 h! x) _0 X; P
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  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏
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  了!!
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7 G: C  `  [4 u" e2 P  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
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' s. N1 }( ?' N  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!( ^8 }& X; k3 ?: \/ I

- {1 a; \1 h  ?  j4 C  K  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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6 x/ V$ t( l$ h& T! \  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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4 b+ n; V# N( P# z) Q- q" ]  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio4 j8 _; I. Z/ \' ^2 {7 V. g
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  n, make him a sandwich.
% a. t* [" a0 \1 q2 s) d5 k' Q3 V0 }9 O" f7 n6 R' k" P$ ~
  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!% I, {& S& W3 H3 p  Q* L

! u" A2 p3 [5 Q  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt% E- _8 \- h' n8 X1 X; B' q
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  il you hear them speak.
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+ N( j. E3 `# @0 m4 N. p: b8 I  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...  [! w1 `/ d9 D: O$ U& [

. ]1 J% N3 i$ Q- z7 j( e  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch./ \( O9 F. a" B2 _
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。8 c* B  J" i0 M4 @: W
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  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.0 M7 C. V! B/ O5 y
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。! |* Z; }2 I2 {6 x# k0 d4 q
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  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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6 e! ~# [& }. y0 X  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""0 ?7 ^% s( l. f: Z3 D7 b+ m* y
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.- E0 \7 R0 F: k6 ]  L; _( o
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  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
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  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to/ b% I, L5 U" ]" ^  y$ |

$ g7 w/ N7 ?9 I* ?" @( y# {, G  tell you why it isn't.
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  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。! U4 U8 {& K/ r4 Y8 p! e
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  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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  box to start a campfire?
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  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!3 N6 `& _) p: ?$ T9 M8 }" [' @  ~
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  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
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2 L! s7 O. R9 I+ r+ t7 ?2 L; s  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?; K5 X& C" J, K' M$ H
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
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7 X3 z2 n( q; a8 h: n6 F  uit salad., ^: I" ~/ S* S

& {. V) y% P( F' E( w; `9 _/ p  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。3 @5 _' ]  ]* `2 W+ g6 i3 U
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  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
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: e+ L* }! y/ c7 U" g3 P  篮子。2 x5 U0 r0 g/ {2 C
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"2 G7 ?" g4 |5 @2 n, m2 b
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.# r' y2 i3 _, ?0 n

' Z" G' P0 Y" |* S  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!6 t# Y* j# y$ G3 t6 T2 K0 k" U. _" H
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  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the, {; l- l9 q# u4 B7 t

4 u  Z0 m2 j  k0 U  same night.
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  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
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+ r& S6 a# p" F! ~% P3 G  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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7 v- J# d+ \* T% U3 k+ @  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..- X( }3 k6 n1 I; ]

  O. n* k# N) o' W0 Y5 ]  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…  @5 U* v! [/ l/ J3 t7 y

& C& n1 e  V- i, d" M- L0 x6 N  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
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  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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9 J- H8 A# _% U9 @3 e  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
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  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the! \2 u$ \* A, K9 X
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  m fish?
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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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$ S, C. b% ]4 v; O7 R8 C$ b1 L- o  了。
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$ a, {1 g5 G8 J+ c& g, i- G9 Z  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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# B; g" b) o& X, V  g.
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9 b; T" T( e: N! J  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!  ~+ [. H$ v7 O. Y9 U+ M4 T
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!8 _( G9 e) A0 ^' S8 c
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
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  ts?"
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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”& K/ Y0 n1 E8 b4 I( |

1 a2 ^0 T$ @* U* m3 }8 t8 R/ P  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
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! `! ?8 }- O/ q5 v& k. Y  up.
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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。  y  Y* D/ L: a+ L) Y) @( {
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu: U" i$ S& H# P& `1 z3 T5 |
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  t check when you say the paint is wet?
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& n) p! D6 p6 k9 o! {+ l5 H  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?/ t8 Z1 _6 F) ^9 |1 J8 K; N/ A0 W
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al6 ]# T3 q" J* F. d
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  l doubt.8 W1 \/ n8 N- O! Z
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  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。  P3 I; X4 f, ]2 b! k

$ C. V8 k) u& p+ M3 }  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。+ [. E0 W' Y# g# s: j

  S8 z0 a# J" p" s  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。# f' W1 k9 o* `1 J- c* m& r7 `0 L
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  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'( @0 X) K1 B* D1 s

. S1 q+ L- z* k, c/ t0 U  t need it.
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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6 m, b+ E4 C" e  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.0 o- ?, P' ~) t5 \& ^& d
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  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。0 n* e" l, `9 J0 X  l7 }
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  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
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- W$ R* I& ]& `8 A- |5 A  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!, P; |! @5 @4 p4 E

5 s) U$ p* Z5 k/ v, L- R' Z  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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/ f8 g# _* D6 g: M: @6 J  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.. W3 L' g. r  v0 t
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  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?: w9 g0 f$ [1 |" D" @

3 o2 Z/ L8 |; }% U3 R  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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# `$ [! H& ?  X" b$ p% u  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
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% B$ }( G4 E! K4 }$ v& _& M  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.4 D: F* u6 F+ n" w9 V, l
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  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"8 g7 N! C' Q6 U1 r

( W% }, A. M( Y. i- `" c( \$ m  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
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* b! u! M& l& V& Q6 B1 V% f  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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/ Y7 D2 M/ s2 G. h' a  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等) m& Z: Y  C; ]5 r
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! L: ~4 P( p) t( \% W* N0 R; z' n  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
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  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi. y9 L' k8 {" ~3 Q
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  rls live.
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) y) k, v2 F/ e, l0 @/ S) N  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!( d. K- m; w- V+ ]$ b- g: i  c

# F4 ^( M/ n/ z' O: B/ Q  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear+ ~9 V% w8 H9 C
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* q& z; Q& R7 Z) e* P8 p2 \  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
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, R8 G3 S$ i6 k7 j  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
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# ^$ H) u0 [3 A  w: w. a; R  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.4 X9 K0 d# g1 _  y% ~

4 _8 t3 [! X+ G- Y/ y5 u0 I  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.7 v0 I+ N# z) q6 B" k) Z: C& i: U% A

6 H( c/ M0 g, u' }+ P  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
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* o! p2 r' ~' T$ B  q  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.& ?* c6 a1 h0 U9 |& n! u% z7 ]

  i0 O* t2 P1 [+ ]1 Q  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨; z6 c, V5 P" P) @6 t
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  叫声是一样滴。: D/ c& M/ L1 J: \9 }! I( |

4 M% o! \" G- [5 o  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.. c9 j; h3 S9 e
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  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。5 }; d+ a  w% z. o; j& {
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  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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" Y0 d8 O2 V" N. R' ~  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc  Z- D6 Q+ y- }+ B+ i
1 J+ F" }+ e, l+ u/ j7 l. c
  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?  m( x# H- k; u* P1 H& k

; l  {2 r# ?4 V$ k. ~  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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) o" d/ n- h6 r1 ?0 h* I  么忙?!5 N- i' I- N7 C" B7 G; _

4 D; r* l( I5 a' N. Q  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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