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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a
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+ r. o, Z' h9 O* y" C* Y" Z6 W  bike and asked for forgiveness." y3 b4 _, K/ e/ j8 W

# r( F$ g( b+ {9 [  S5 z  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一5 ?9 ~+ R' y$ y- C# }# f4 z
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  辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a& u5 M, W# z) U( S' y1 X0 |! B
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  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.1 p9 \6 f0 L* L. x5 e

3 O$ J& X/ Q7 W; E, _) d, \  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
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  样死法啊!
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2 y; t4 q# R6 \0 g  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you. m& g$ ~9 N9 c

* |# ?' u$ P3 L3 Q  with experience.
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  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你5 d; w6 r& m2 d6 f( b
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  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
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- S. ?) D. t6 S( b  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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; ?8 b+ x" k) P9 q# P0 I  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.* D4 c/ @% \! H1 h

4 U3 F: P$ x& n6 v. \  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。1 d' e1 n3 W# q% ^* }3 H
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.) j5 Y* L1 H/ \; P9 O
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  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd) Y! d& q, ?( \& u; R8 q
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  better have a good hand.
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! i8 J8 r8 W$ e. f  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。+ R$ F7 Y" ^- l/ d5 r/ u/ m
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  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca5 N6 f2 f  r4 d% R

* U6 e  [' @: ]. W4 ?" O- T' A  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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$ N: C% D+ [  l" ^/ w6 ~+ D  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
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  还是很有喜感。- d2 V# S: @: n  d: c3 Q, Q1 q. r$ \
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
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  ged regularly, and for the same reason.; M, @" {1 h! u! D) Z1 m4 h6 \
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  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏% s) d8 |1 \5 h: ]4 x
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  了!!8 M- ~8 n. {" ]4 k
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  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
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: ]2 D" R5 h7 G3 [. m  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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% ?7 l# l( o$ p# o; D& p' M+ y  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship# v' ?( s+ z4 h+ p5 K$ Z# L
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# H% E3 A8 B  `7 P. }4 W$ T  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!" c0 q4 I0 g1 X* X. d
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  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。/ s) @: n; n/ t3 l) B

6 r/ b$ I) Y+ Z1 G5 m5 A+ K+ L8 J7 _  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.9 P  ~8 V9 H# y" [* Z
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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" h% p" ]3 i1 _  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio/ |/ r. q1 d: j4 _

2 [. l* M& Z  A$ h  n, make him a sandwich.8 T/ c, R( Y6 k; W

7 O( H% u9 n9 \: x. n% ^4 w  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!) g0 I! w" {( r; {8 C7 _! c$ M7 N
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  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
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" q* C% M  z, x! U0 r  il you hear them speak.
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  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...- P7 J* s, X: V
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  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.- Y' m% i1 I. c" p- i$ @
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。9 u) G6 |* }: c
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  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.9 P+ P' C" a3 Q6 ?1 r8 C9 {
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。8 m2 i. q) z( E* A

/ _2 ?( k2 r- F1 h  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer./ D3 D$ q0 m0 m0 v" c  b
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  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...; X( Q! t! j; y) L& g

( C  n/ W/ W  v; d) q+ h  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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6 k' x& B& E# j! g  tell you why it isn't.
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: q8 ~; M2 f- \  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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  box to start a campfire?$ {% W, g* w* Q8 y
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  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
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$ J2 }! |' y: J  s it?
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5 }5 i/ r. N+ e  ?5 Q/ Y8 w  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
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  uit salad.$ g9 |7 {6 u  u) m+ l* e7 A  F5 Y8 a4 \9 o

3 ^) L, o( B) k2 m8 U  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
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" y; W! x' p; R" ~' G  篮子。
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2 ?* U/ A+ N: s0 t  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"  D. l7 K' T# B% K: Z' u

0 q5 \( h4 k+ ~3 I  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.% \' G- \0 G" `/ B) }

+ b; K7 o9 n7 X$ a7 T3 E6 B8 H  \  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!1 n8 r" [6 D% p% X2 ^# i

1 Z. P$ s) S3 s  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the' L( {4 }! m( y0 b8 Z7 d3 `1 ?

0 \3 z  N! a  l0 l$ q0 Q1 Z  same night.
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  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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' y; D  k! s9 r  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
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( u+ O9 U. N9 @: ]" T2 C  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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6 ]( A1 \1 k; f8 B" x" a/ b0 p7 m  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..6 B# G' w, _& K! r- J( b) U
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  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…8 E, r( W+ R* x
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  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.  ?/ _% ^3 n) L* \0 g; l% t
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  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv$ U9 o  p+ g+ C, l; u

9 ^* z# U, a/ W, k  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the2 B" f9 f* t, `) d2 K4 G- R& b
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  m fish?, I# H* h6 z; t6 [1 n

. ^! P1 t# Q- e  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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  了。! T3 x# T  r( W7 ?2 Q

: M4 U- N/ ^2 u  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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! P7 I0 b# c) m1 S# Z; v  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
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6 A( i& F. [# u9 I' _% T& k  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!0 s$ |: E3 |# A- z2 W7 ]

' n$ R. c% K& }6 d" ]1 G7 C  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
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  ts?"
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; t" Z6 D; a5 E1 K- z  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
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  up.9 ]+ R; Q4 s. ^9 `1 m" N

- g3 L+ Q  s* ^: z2 C+ }  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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7 w. a7 g( ^$ y- j5 U  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu4 e5 s/ p/ \0 h2 l
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  t check when you say the paint is wet?2 n6 U  r' z% ^5 k
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  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?$ T$ T+ O8 E6 _0 @0 v3 S, a8 {

7 |/ Q0 y' c( j4 i2 ^: g  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
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  l doubt.
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  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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$ R0 F% C$ Q* l/ r  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。( H; U/ f/ E) C3 G
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。- Z- }6 I4 Q0 l% z  ~. {
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  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'6 t. I' u4 r& n
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  t need it.
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( L# W, t+ B0 K0 @' f: N( Z  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方; q1 d5 V, \: v: ?
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  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
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  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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- U" Y; q# n& ^% w  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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5 f( Q4 I/ j& j! X1 X2 U$ V  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
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  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!  r1 r( m8 q3 N; p5 l: ^! l
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  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory., {% Z7 Y$ F1 p7 z' N6 ]! S4 U

6 J3 z1 k) q. T3 \) x4 H0 o) Q8 k  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
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' P+ {9 Q8 L; O8 v% U  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught." `5 F; L) r, b5 Z
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  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.% j6 N! u  D* v- ~6 P8 ^
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  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
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* j+ u5 ]9 z0 N% V  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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$ E( E7 \0 Y( |  E, ]  。
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  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.- n0 i: ]$ R3 O, m

8 u8 F( N; `# O# C  }* b  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi1 _" N3 z5 X! ?% x0 U( S6 |

$ Z8 o, N7 n* I! C8 X5 X  rls live.+ F4 I$ Y- y$ N- ]0 Y4 y% }- ]
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  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear' u/ x! ], v8 {7 q2 X( z0 X* F6 Z
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  ch.
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6 b& J$ W. I) H5 f/ Q  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。0 t. u; a  @6 s

& z# q; o5 Z: H  r" P2 i  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
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# D( I; D$ ~. z$ Y/ T  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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% b1 N. U1 T, Y7 O  p* ]% v  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
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& o0 _- V5 [. i- Z' W2 [" [4 m  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
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( \' j- H- Q/ w, I5 q1 Z& U  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
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  叫声是一样滴。* \% X* S3 v: ~; o' Y/ c% v
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  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets./ M: F9 Z9 M  A% t( w8 a0 T

  a; U. T! G5 u# }' G  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。, f2 j1 h( B  C0 @2 Q7 h: E
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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$ g# l- w1 c: \/ g  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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7 ~* E0 w7 X" |2 n% V( }1 r! Y. P  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
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! F0 A2 ]) s; J4 j. d, A& j  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?# U! J; ?8 `8 ^7 V3 a' [$ {. t* U
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什% \( F+ A; h# H$ g6 m

' b4 v' H$ a8 W7 A9 P" q  么忙?!
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  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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) s: f, c7 @0 v. m; r  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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